


Something isn't right, babe (I keep catching Little words, but the meaning's thin)

by Fullsizecandy



Series: Rare is this love [6]
Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Chloe Decker Finds Out, F/M, Lucifer Morningstar (Lucifer TV) Devil Reveal, No Beta, Post-Devil Face Reveal to Chloe Decker, Post-Episode: s03e24 A Devil of My Word, Song Lyrics, Song fic, can i tag hozier in this?, in this household we hate on father kinley, it will come back is THE SONG for the devil face reveal and thats that on that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-02
Updated: 2020-09-02
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:27:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26257900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fullsizecandy/pseuds/Fullsizecandy
Summary: There is a monster in the room with her. It's crouching over Marcus's body and the only thing she can see is miles of red, scarred skin. She doesn't know where the monster came from.The monster is wearing Lucifer's suit and speaking in his voice, but it isn't Lucifer."Detective?" the creature asks with Lucifer's voice.Chloe deals with the aftermath of Lucifer's reveal.
Relationships: Chloe Decker/Lucifer Morningstar
Series: Rare is this love [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1852087
Comments: 4
Kudos: 111





	Something isn't right, babe (I keep catching Little words, but the meaning's thin)

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! As always, English is not my first language and any mistakes are my own. The songs in this one are:   
> "It Will Come Back" because it's just THAT song when it comes to post-reveal scenes. I mean... come on!! and "Sedated" because I deem it angsty enough for Lucifer when he's in his feelings. Both of them are by Hozier, obviously, since he's the reason why this whole obsession started in the first place. Have fun and enjoy!

There is a monster in the room with her. It's crouching over Marcus's body and the only thing she can see is miles of red, scarred skin. She doesn't know where the monster came from. 

The monster is wearing Lucifer's suit and speaking in his voice, but it isn't Lucifer. 

"Detective?" the creature asks with Lucifer's voice. 

Where was Lucifer? What happened? 

The monster takes one step towards her and she stumbles back. It's getting closer to her and every part of her screams to get away from it.

She wants to run but her body is frozen, unable to move. She needs to run, get away, leave the room. She can't form a single coherent thought other than _"Where did Lucifer go?_ " 

In and out. In and out. In and... She can't _breathe_. 

She feels the panic creeping in, her body cold and she thinks: _This is it. I am going to die._

The monster looks at her concerned, a frown on it's scarred face, and then suddenly, it hits her. She's never been religious but she swears that the creature looks like something vaguely familiar, 

It looks like a devil.

_The Devil._

At the realization, she has to fight for air, her lungs seem to stop working and she feels like she is on the verge of passing out. 

A part of her mind awoke, telling her she's just having a panic attack, she isn't dying. 

"It's all real." she whispers. 

The Devil looks at her puzzled, unsure what she means, not even aware of the change that happened.  
It takes him a second to notice all of the red tissue. 

"Oh, no. Dad, no." the monster cries and it's damaged skin disappears, just like that. Chloe can't fathom how easy it is; the change from the monster to her partner. 

Suddenly, Lucifer's with her, as if nothing happened. 

"Detective. Chloe. I am so sorry you had to find out like that." he says frantically, taking another step in her direction. "This is not how I wanted to do this, I am so..."

When she takes another step back his eyes fill with tears and she's confused. What is happening? 

You're a Detective, she tells herself. Keep it together. 

She looks around the crime scene, focusing on one thing she knows how to do.

"Gather any evidence that you were here." her voice is unsteady but if there is one thing she is good at, it's her job. She'll have time to freak out over what just happened later. Now she needs to focus, tell herself that it's a routine crime scene. She is doing her job. Only this time she has to do the exact opposite: get rid of the evidence, instead of discovering it. 

Lucifer looks at her with wide eyes, bewildered at her behavior. 

"Sorry?"

"Anything that doesn't belong here. I don't know, fucking magic or whatever. Take it all and leave." 

"Magic?" she thinks she can see a faint smile on his lips and just for one second, she feels like everything is fine and she's just talking to her partner, Lucifer Morningstar, not the actual devil. Then the image of his face pops up in her mind and she's back to feeling like she's going to have another panic attack.

"I don't know, Lucifer! Apparently, I've been working with a devil, I have no idea what kind of traces of... whatever this is, you can leave behind. So take it all and leave. You have to go. Now."

"Oh." he looks heartbroken for a moment before he controls his face again and forces himself to look stoic. "I understand, Detective. For all it's worth, I'm sorry. You won't see me again."

She can't bear to look at him. She hears a faint _woosh_ sound and when she finally gathers the courage to look up, he's not with her anymore.

The only thing that seems to be missing is the murder weapon, the hole in Marcus's chest now empty. 

She knows the Devil. She has feelings for the _actual_ Devil, the Lord of Hell, Prince of Darkness. 

Her breathing quickens again and she needs to force herself to breathe slowly. Instead of freaking out, she takes her phone out and calls Dan.

When Dan finds her, she's sitting on the staircase, tears soundlessly flowing from her eyes. She hasn't even noticed she's been crying until Dan touches her cheeks and his fingers collect the warm liquid.

"Chloe! What the hell happened? Where's Lucifer?" Dan sounds scared and a part of Chloe wants to laugh. He's scared but he hasn't seen anything yet. She wonders how would he react if he found out about Lucifer. 

"I figured he shouldn't be here. He's a civilian and..." she waves her hand at Pierce's body. It's a good excuse. They both know it was Lucifer who killed Marcus and he's just a civilian consultant. This would mean a stack of paperwork to fill out and maybe even a trail. No one wants to deal with that right now. 

Dan's whole body tenses and then he lets out a long sigh. 

"Good, good." He whispers. "Did he do it? There's no murder weapon, Chloe."

_Yeah, because the Devil took it with him._

"I don't know, Dan. It all happened so fast. Pierce shot me and the next thing I know everyone is shooting, Lucifer somehow managed to shelter us and I was unconscious most of the time. When I woke up Marcus was already dead and Lucifer..." she can't finish the sentence. Thank God _(there is a God. God is real. Everything is real, Lucifer is not crazy. Lucifer is the Devil.)_ for her acting classes or she wouldn't be able to pull this off. 

Dan believes her. He hugs her and then sends her on her way to see the medic. Before he lets her go though, he whispers:

"I'm gonna make sure Lucifer is not even a suspect. If it comes to it, we'll call it self-defense. Remind me later to thank him for getting this son of a bitch."

After she's cleared and taken to the station to give her statement, Chloe finds herself sitting at her desk, unsure what to do next. 

Her first instinct is to grab her phone and call Lucifer, tell him about the case. That also makes her giggle and she realizes she's probably in shock. 

How can she talk to him as if nothing's wrong when her whole life just got turned upside down?

Chloe has never been a religious type. Her mom told her all the basic pieces of information but no one in her family was a spiritual type. 

She learned a little more once she met Dan- his family set on her knowing the traditional values they were upholding. She even went with him and Trixie to church a couple of times but quickly stopped once she realized it was all just a bunch of tales. 

But it's not a bunch of tales anymore. The stories she laughed at, they were all real. 

She's so deep in her thoughts she doesn't even hear Ella calling her name. Her friend almost jumps at her, wrapping her arms around Chloe's neck.

"Are you alright? What happened?"

Ella. Sweet, optimistic, _religious_ Ella. She can ask her a question about God, Devil, and everything else. It won't be weird, right?

Chloe tells her everything that happened after they realized they walked into a trap, obviously leaving some things out. Once she's done, they are quiet for some time until Chloe takes a deep breath and then asks her about God. Because apparently, God is real. She's going to Hell for sure, she realizes. She doesn't think she's a bad person, but she's not a believer, she's hurt and she's killed and well... She's going to Hell. Will Lucifer be the one to torture her? How does that even look like?

"I think he gets a bad rep. Have you ever read the Bible? God kills thousands of people while Satan not so much. Of course, they kinda play with Job for a bit but other than that... I don't know Chlo. I honestly don't think he's such a bad guy. And, "Ella's face lights up while she smiles brightly. " Lucifer plays him very well. You might want to ask him about that."

Chloe lets out a laugh, feeling the panic brimming under her skin. 

The Bible, though. She's pretty sure she has one at home, Dan's parents bought it for Trixie when she was born. It's probably collecting dust on her bookshelf but it should be there. Maybe it will have some answers for her. 

"Go home, Chloe, rest a little. It's been a hell of a day." Ella gives her one last hug before going back to her lab. 

She's not sure what to do. She wants nothing more than to go back home, soak in her bathtub with a glass of wine or three, but she knows she won't be able to relax. Her mind goes back to Lucifer's face- red and scarred, burned. He looked like a burn victim. 

Is that what happened to him? 

She knows the basics. Satan rebelled and fell. Is that something that happened? Is the Bible real?

Cain. 

Lucifer called Marcus Cain. Multiple times. 

With a heavy sigh, Chloe exits the precinct and goes home, knowing she has a night of research ahead of her. 

"Monkey, what do you remember from everything that grandma taught you about God and angels?" she asks her daughter cautiously when they're sitting together on the couch, wrapped in blankets. 

"A lot. Abuelita tells me more stories every time I visit and they read me The Bible before I go to sleep." Trixie looks up at her mom, already wondering why she asked that question. "Is this about Lucifer?"

Chloe is stunned for a second. Does her child know? Did Trixie ever see his face? 

She can't find it in herself to lie. 

"Yeah, babe. I've just been wondering... " She knows she has to be careful now not to say too much. "What does it say about Lucifer?"

In a matter of seconds, her daughter's face changes from a content smile to a frown. 

"The Bible is really unfair to Lucifer, mom. Like, really unfair. I tried to talk to Abuelita about it but she didn't want to." Trixie knits her brow and pouts a little. "The Bible just says that he is bad and he leads people on and that he's evil. But we know him, right? Lucifer is not evil. He saved us, mom. And he even scared my bully when I first met him."

"That's why I told Abuelita I don't want to read it anymore." she states calmly.

"Why did you do that, monkey?" Chloe is surprised. She knows her daughter isn't really religious, but likes the stories and feels like it brings her closer to her grandparents. 

"I won't be reading a book if it says my friends are bad."

And that's it. Trixie is done with the conversation and focuses again on the movie playing in the background. It's Frozen. 

They've seen it so many times, Chloe can quote it even if you wake her up from deep sleep. 

When it's time for Trixie to fall sleep, Chloe takes her to bed and reads her a night story. Just before she leaves, her daughter takes her hand into her little one and whispers:

"Lucifer is just sad, mom. His dad threw him out, his siblings don't talk to him, and everyone is saying mean things about him all the time. I'd be sad if you told me to leave, too."

"I will never tell you to leave, monkey, ever." Chloe tells her softly and places a kiss on her forehead. 

With her daughter asleep, she has the time to do what she needs to do: she gets a bottle of wine and her laptop and starts researching the shit out of Lucifer. 

She can't find anything new on Lucifer Morningstar, the person. Nothing she hadn't already found years ago when she made Dan check Lucifer's background. 

But that's not what she's looking for. 

She googles everything that comes to her mind. 

Devil, Satan, Lucifer, Morningstar.

That only confuses her more. Google tells her about this big, bad wolf, luring people in, tempting and torturing them. 

It doesn't fit with Lucifer's profile she'd built. 

When she's done it's almost 4 am and she deems it pointless to go to sleep now. 

She makes a pot of coffee and sits down on the couch, trying to piece everything together.

She sits there until it's time to wake up Trixie. She hasn't told her about Marcus yet, not knowing how to soften the blow. She knows Trixie liked him and she already had to suffer so much pain in her short life; Chloe doesn't want to add to it. 

She takes her to school earlier than usual, but Trixie doesn't mind. Her school has a common room where the kids whose parents have to work early spend their time before classes start and Trixie has been wanting to check it out ever since she found out about it. 

Chloe kisses her goodbye and when she's alone in the car, she takes her phone out and calls the precinct, letting them know she wants to use her days off. 

No one asks her any uncomfortable questions: they tell her to take her time to grieve. As if. How is she supposed to grieve Marcus knowing he's the one who killed Charlotte, knowing he was the Sinnerman?

She looks at the stacks of papers filled with her handwriting. Her notes from the night before. 

She's not focused on the road, knowing it by heart. She's not even able to tell anyone where she's going. It's not like she can text Maze _"hey I know you're a demon, I'm going to see Lucifer, if you don't hear from me that means the devil killed me"._

She's not even sure how she feels about living with a demon. How she feels about her daughter being friends with an _actual_ demon. 

These are things she needs to think over during her vacation. She already knows that after she's done talking with Lucifer, she's going back home to pack hers and Trixie's bags. They've been long overdue for some quality time together anyway and she's promised her a trip to Europe. 

She parks in front of Lux and sees sweaty bodies covered in glitter leaving the club. She's not surprised the Devil parties the whole night. 

She thinks it's ridiculous. Why would Satan leave Hell just to hang around some mortals, open a nightclub and work for the police? It makes no sense. 

There's the same bodyguard she always sees standing in the entrance. He lets her in, offering her a tired smile and saying:

"Early case, Detective?"

She just nods, because what else can she say? _Run as fast as you can, your boss is Satan himself?_

The club is already empty, the last people left when she showed up. 

She's never seen it right after a whole night of partying. 

There's glitter everywhere, bottles and glasses thrown around and the floor is shiny, surely sticky in some places. 

But the employees are smiling, looking tired but happy. 

She stands around, suddenly feeling lost, even though she's been here too many times to count. It's the first time she sees how many people Lucifer employs though. 

She recognizes the bartenders, some of the security and dancers but there are kitchen staff and cleaners there too. And they're all chatting together, sharing the tips. 

That's when Lucifer comes out from behind the bar with envelopes in his hand. He hasn't noticed her yet, completely focused on the workers. 

He doesn't look like he's been partying all night, but with him, it's hard to say, anyway.

He's wearing red, silk trousers she recognizes as his pajama pants and a similar robe. She hopes he was upstairs the whole night, but she knows that something trivial as pajamas would not hold him back. 

He doesn't have any product in his hair and his curls are fluffy and free, the way Chloe likes it the most. 

He looks _perfect_. 

Chloe wonders if he looks like that because he's supposed to tempt others, or if others are being tempted because he looks like that.

"Your kid's going to college soon, am I correct?" she hears him asking one of the dancers. She nods and says:

"Yes, boss. We'll need to get some loans so he can afford it, but we'll be...

Lucifer waves his hand. 

"Nonsense. Give me a minute." he goes back to, Chloe presumes, his office and comes back with another envelope. 

"This is for the kid. Tell him it's a graduation gift from the Devil, himself."

They all laugh and Lucifer just sends them a flashy smile, looking uncomfortable when the woman hugs him tightly.

"There, there. That's enough. Go home, June. Just remember to put in on the calendar his graduation date and time. We all will try to show up."

"One last thing before you all go." Lucifer tells the group as soon as the thick envelopes are passed around (he called them "weekly bonuses" and Chloe doesn't even want to think how much money is in each envelope). " I don't want to worry any of you, but I am not sure if I won't have to leave for a while. If I do, don't worry. I will personally write letters of recommendation for each and every one of you and will make sure you all have a good job lined up."

"Boss, where is that coming from?" asks Patrick and Chloe smiles a little. Patrick is her favorite, always has been. Now though, he looks legitimately worried and she thinks it has nothing to do with the job. He's worried about his boss, she realizes. 

"The circumstances changed. If I am told to leave, I will." Lucifer says plainly and doesn't offer any explanation. 

He's telling the truth though and she thinks back to how many times he said he doesn't lie. 

Prince of Lies, it's one of his titles. 

Prince of Lies who doesn't lie. Chloe wonders if it's a principle or if he's actually unable to lie. 

Another thing the internet wasn't helpful with. 

He finally sees her and involuntarily, her breath catches in her throat. 

His brown eyes are looking at her with surprise and wariness but that's not what she sees. 

She sees the fiery red eyes, burned skin, every muscle and tendon visible to the naked eye and again, there's that survival instinct, every fiber of her being screaming _runrunrunrun._

She doesn't listen to it. Instead, she takes one hesitant step forward, her arms wrapped around her, and asks:

"Can we talk?"

The penthouse feels different at the beginning of the morning. The sun is up, shyly peeking through, spilling its light on the floor and Chloe thinks the whole place feels _warm_.

There are three empty bottles of something on the piano and this time, instead of reprimanding Lucifer, she remembers who he is. He probably can't get drunk on normal amounts of alcohol. 

The whole scene feels unfamiliar, even though she's been here so many times before. 

Lucifer is standing far away from her, watching her cautiously and some part of her is glad. She's not sure if she could handle him being too close to her right now.

"I..."

"Detective..."

They both start at the same time, then awkwardness sets in.

She opens her mouth to start talking, but he interrupts her.

"Just let me, Detective. I just want to say, before we even start..." he takes a deep breath and looks at her, really looks at her with pleading eyes and distressed face. " I would _never_ hurt you or the Spawn. You've been under my and Maze's protection. Nothing will come to your harm if we can prevent it."

"Oh." She doesn't know what to say. She worried about so many things but it never crossed her mind that they could hurt her or Trixie. 

She tells him exactly that and he looks relieved. 

They turn quiet again and she remembers her purse, with notes inside. 

She takes them out and Lucifer eyes her curiously. 

"I, um... I took some time off work and... I researched?"

Lucifer's eyebrows shot up and he looks slightly amused. 

"You're asking or telling, Detective?"

She purses her lips, the exchange so familiar, and yet so new. 

"I have questions and the internet wasn't exactly hopeful."

"Make yourself comfortable, Detective. I'm going to make myself a drink. Would you like one as well?"

He's already standing behind the bar, Chloe sitting down on his leather couch. It's barely 8 am, she's aware of that, but how often do you find out you're working with the Devil?

"You know what, yes. Please."

While he's making the drinks she sends a quick message to Dan, letting him know she wants to take Trixie for a trip and asking if he wants to take her tonight for a sleepover and to say goodbye. She can pick her up tomorrow from his place and drive straight to the airport then. 

Lucifer brings her a drink hesitantly extends his arm to her. She takes the drink from his hand, both of them careful not to touch each other. 

She thinks bitterly, that not that long ago, when they both thought they could be something, he made her come in his own club, surrounded by people, barely even touching her. Today, they're both afraid of touch.

He sits down in a chair, facing her. His body seems relaxed but she knows that deep down he's just as nervous as she is. 

She's the one to speak first.

"Google says that you're not the Morningstar."

He just scoffs. 

"Let me guess. According to that wretched book, Jesus is the Morningstar, correct?"

"'I think so?"

"Well, Detective. The Bible is only correct in some aspects of history. Most of it is just gibberish."

"So you can't turn into a snake?"

He barks out a laugh and she relaxes a little. They can do it. 

It's a weird situation, but they can do it, they can have some resemblance of normalcy. 

"No, I can't turn into a snake. Or any other animal. Can't really talk to them either. And no, it wasn't an apple that Eve was tempted with." He wiggles his eyebrows a little and Chloe gets the innuendo. 

"Ok. So. Tell me your side of the story."

He's positively surprised at her words. She thinks that no one probably has ever asked him that.

"I was created by my Mother and Father in a... different way than humans are. I wasn't born, Detective. If I had to describe it in a way then I guess I was willed into existence? All of my siblings were. Mother once told me I was one of her favorite creations." he finishes his drink in big gulps and gets up, bringing the whole bottle with him. 

"I spent eons in Silver City before anything really happened. And I never questioned Dad. He wanted something, I did it. Did you googled perhaps what my name means?" he asks softly, glancing at her briefly to see her nodding. 

"Lightbringer." he says softly, almost like a whisper. " It was a nickname I guess. I was known under a different name in Silver City, one I don't use anymore." he sees her opening her mouth and interrupts her before she can even begin. "Please don't ask. That name does not belong to me anymore."

"Lightbringer," she says instead. " Why that?"

"Because I lit up the stars, Detective." he smiles, puffing his chest, looking so proud. 

She's not sure how to react to that. 

Then the realization dawns on her again. 

"The instruments! You said they have light to them?" she asks. "What does that mean? Is that why you can play all of them?"

Now, he looks proud of her too, his gaze warm and affectionate towards her. 

"Splendid job, Detective. I am not sure how to explain it... There are traces of divinity everywhere on Earth. And there's a strong power of creation in instruments. I'm drawn to both. It's a light that draws me in and answers to me only. Does that make sense?"

Not really, she wants to say. How can any of it make sense?

"Ok," she utters. "What happened next?"

"'Next... Mom and Dad were arguing a bit. Dad found a new pet project- humans that is. He creates humans, Mom sends some plagues on you to mess with him. And he tells us that we have to love you. Unconditionally." His voice changes from his normal tone to the pleading once, as if asking her to understand. " I never said no, Detective. I just wanted to know why. I wanted to know why I can't decide on my own to love you. That's all I wanted."

"Free will." she realizes with a soft gasp.

He nods his head, glad she understands.

"Now imagine how I felt when he told us that you have it. I couldn't choose for myself and we were supposed to be better, we were supposed to be the higher beings. But here you are, a pet project with more rights than I ever had." 

They stay quiet for a bit, both of them sipping on their whiskey. Chloe is halfway done with her drink when Lucifer continues talking. 

"So I popped down to see humans a couple of times and the one thing I did was telling Eve that she has the right to choose. That's it. And I had sex with her but I don't think that's what caused her to leave the Garden. Even though my skills are otherwordly." He adds with a grin. 

She just rolls her eyes. 

They finish their drinks and then one, two, three more while he tells her his life story. 

Chloe thinks she understands. She even relates in some weird way. She's pretty sure she would do a similar thing if she was in his shoes.

The more they talk, the more she remembers that he is her partner. That she knows _him_.

But the fear is still there and she can't get rid of it. It clings to her bones, making her feel as if it doesn't matter what he tells her, it's all lies. She can't trust the Devil after all. 

She stops drinking, feeling tipsy already. She's glad Dan agreed and picked Trixie up from school. She's in no state to drive. 

The morning turns into the afternoon and then into an evening. Lucifer orders food between telling his stories and they eat and drink some more. 

The sun is setting when she feels like her curiosity is sated.   
  
He told her about him dying for her, twice ( _would an evil person do that?_ ), about his Mom, about Charlotte, Uriel. He didn't talk about Candy and she has a feeling there's a story behind that but she thinks that maybe, he's not ready to share it with her yet. 

"So. You never lie." He looks at her, expecting her to continue. 

"I don't." he finally says, when he realizes she won't say more. 

"Why is that? Is that like a rule for all angels?"

He scoffs at that. 

"Believe me, Detective when I say, that's not the case."

"Then why? Is it pride?"

"It's a promise." He says finally. " One of my siblings physically cannot lie. I gave my word, a long time ago, that I would not lie either then, in a spirit of support. My word is my bond." Just like that, he ends with those words, as if that answer is enough. 

She lets it be though. She knows she already asked a lot of him. 

When they're done with the bottle, Lucifer opens up another one and pours himself a hefty drink. She declines, feeling like she needs to start sobering up if she ever wants to leave. 

They sit in silence again, Chloe soaking up every bit of new information. 

"Chloe," Lucifer speaks her name, serious. "What exactly is this?"

"What do you mean?" she frowns a little, not sure what he means. 

"I leave if that's what you wish for." he states, his voice monotonous, not showing any emotion behind it. " I just need to know what is happening here. You've seen my face, you believe me now. You know what I am. And I can feel that you're terrified. But you're still here. I just want to know what you need. You need to tell me if you want me to stay or leave. I'm afraid I'm not strong enough to walk away from you if you don't tell me to."

She nods but doesn't say anything for a while. 

"I don't know, Lucifer. What I need is time. I took some time off work. Trixie and I are going to Europe for a while..."

"I assure you that's not necessary, you don't have to flee the country. I can be gone tomorrow, just let me get my affairs in order..."

"That's not what I mean," she says quickly before he lets himself fall into a spiral of self-loathing. " I just need time and to get away for a little while, that's it. And I promised Trixie that trip a long time ago before I even knew about you being... Before I knew it's all true."

He nods and stays quiet. 

The time stretches and she finds herself desperate for him to say something. 

"What" she croaks, stops to clear her throat "what are you thinking?"

"It's difficult for me to put feelings into words," he admits. "I'm working on it with Dr. Martin, but still..."

She knows this. And then an idea hits her. 

She looks around the room and sees the guitar, propped against the bedroom wall. 

She gets up and his eyes follow her, curious. 

She hands him the guitar with a shy smile on her lips. 

He takes it from her and this time, she's watching him, knowing what to look for. 

She knows it's not magic, but it looks like it. 

He gently caresses the wood and it's as if the guitar answers to him, ready to be used. He doesn't even have to tune it, doesn't have to think about it. His fingers magically know which string to pull, which chord to play. 

She sits closer to him this time. An offering of sorts, trying to say _I'm here and I'm trying, please try too._

_"You know better, babe, you know better, babe Than to look at it, look at it like that. You know better, babe, you know better, babe Than to talk to it, talk to it like that."_

She knows in her mind Lucifer and The Devil are two separate entities but she's surprised to learn that this is how he views himself too. 

_"Don't give it a hand, offer it a soul Honey, make this easy._   
_Leave it to the land, this is what it knows Honey, that's how it sleeps"_

He's singing with a pained expression on his face and his eyes closed. Now that he shared with her his journals, now that she knows how he writes, how he creates, it's easier for her to understand a song. It's easier to understand him.

_"Don't let it in with no intention to keep it, Jesus Christ, don't be kind to it Honey, don't feed it, it will come back"_

He opens one eye to look at her and they're both smiling a little. 

"Jesus Christ, the Morningstar." she whispers and he laughs faintly before singing. 

_" You know better, babe, you know better, babe Than to smile at me, smile at me like that. You know better babe, you know better babe Than to hold me just, hold me just like that."_

He's looking at her now, straight into her eyes and she understands. He doesn't want false hope. He wants her to be upfront with him, not to lead him on. 

She wishes she had a definitive answer for him.

_"I know who I am when I'm alone I'm something else when I see you._   
_You don't understand, you should never know How easy you are to need."_

She sets on hand on his shoulder, a gesture of goodwill. _I am here and I want to be here. I am trying._

He seems to understand.

_"Oh, please, give me mercy no more That's a kindness you can't afford._   
_I warn you, baby, each night, as sure as you're born You'll hear me howling outside your door."_

She thinks he's trying to scare her, trying to make her realize that he's a monster and she should leave him. 

Yes, her instinct whispers, _Runfarawayleaverunrunrun_  
She squeezes his shoulder instead.

_"Don't you hear me howling, babe? Don't you hear me howling, babe? Don't you hear me howling, babe?"_

"I get it." she says after he's done. "I understand."

He just nods, not offering anything else. 

"I'll be gone for a bit." she reminds him eventually. " I need time. To figure this all out. I'll be back. Is that ok? I'm not deciding anything yet, I'm not running away. I just need time and space."

He watches her face while she talks. He nods once more and that's it. 

They're done for now. Nothing more they can say. 

Chloe gets up to leave but it feels like she's forgetting something. Lucifer is watching her. 

She touches his face, once. Just a feather-light touch of her fingertips on his cheek. He leans into her hand, asking for more. 

She can't give him more. Not now, not yet. 

Not when she's still scared his other face will pop up anytime. Not when she knows that the second she falls asleep, the Devil will visit her in her nightmares. 

"I'll see you soon." she whispers and then leaves the Devil in the city of angels, thinking to herself, how fitting. He is an angel too, after all. 

  
_____________________________________________________________________________

She knew it would be hard for Lucifer to keep her time and space, but he's been surprisingly good. 

She knows Trixie and Lucifer text: in every city they are, Trixie tells her where they should go and every time it is a complete hit. Somehow her daughter knows exactly which cafe has the best coffee in the whole city or which store has the best ice cream. 

The idea of coming back home to a demon roommate still terrifies her a little but she's been working through it. She's trying. 

They start their trip in Poland and make their way from there. Trixie falls in love with Cracow, with the castles, salt mines, and the legend of a dragon. She buys so many dragon plushies Chloe has to tell her to stop or they won't have space for other souvenirs.   
From there, they fly to Prague, Bratislava, Budapest, and Vienna.   
Trixie texts Dan while in Budapest that she's a millionaire and Chloe spends half a day explaining inflation to her young daughter.   
By the time they get to Germany, they both have blisters on their feet from walking so much and have become experts at fast and comfortable flying and knowing how to use public transport in most European countries.   
They decide to stay in Germany for a little bit longer and they see every tourist attraction they can google but it's the Spy Museum that steals her daughter's heart. She knows her fingers itch to send a text to Maze, but she's still not talking to her so Chloe takes it upon herself to listen to her overexcited daughter, her chest warm with how happy Trixie is. 

Everything goes great until they get to Rome and she meets Father Kinley.   
Somehow, he knows exactly how to awake that fear she was able to subdue.   
She's once again terrified for her life, thinking that everything Lucifer said was a lie.

They stay longer in Rome and Trixie seems happy about it. She eats as much gelato as she physically can and hangs out with their neighbor's daughter once they find out that the people living next door to their place from Airbnb have a daughter the same age as Trixie. 

Trixie quickly picks up Italian, saying it's similar to Spanish and Chloe calls her her smart monkey. 

"Lucifer asked me about you today," Trixie says one evening, while they're on a walk, enjoying the warm weather. "I told him to ask you himself but he said it's not a good idea. Did you get in a fight?"

"No, monkey" Chloe reassures her, even though she's feeling the familiar panic starting to rise. " I just need some time to work through some stuff, that's all."

Her daughter squints her eyes at her in focus.

"Is this because you believe he's the devil? Is that why you've been going to the church so much?"

Chloe's not sure how to respond, so instead, she distracts her with another portion of sweets and while Trixie eats happy, her question long forgotten, Chloe wishes the sweets would have the same effect on her as well. 

On their last day in Rome, Chloe's mind is completely changed and she's so filled with dread, she wakes up each night in a cold sweat, her nightmares filled with Lucifer and his scarred face, Apocalypse coming, and her failing. She also dreams of Lucifer dying, looking at her with betrayal on his face, screaming " _Why?"_

She's terrified and she knows he can tell when they see each other again. She acts as if nothing's wrong, but then he touches her and she jumps. 

It all goes downhill from there. 

There's a vial with poison in her pocket and she can't bring herself to use it.

It was easy, falling into a spiral of hate and righteousness when she was away from him. It was easy to think that she'd be killing _evil_. 

But the more time she spends with him, the more he reminds her of the person she knows. The lines get blurry and she doesn't know anymore what's real and what's fake. 

Which version of Lucifer is the real one?

She almost does it. 

She's terrified, her hands are shaking and she breaks that damn glass because he's made a playlist of 90's jams for her ( _Why would the evilest entity in the whole universe do that for her?)._

And then he bleeds and she blows up from the pent up emotions, from the fear that latched to her soul, that Kinley has been feeding the entire time she's been in Rome. 

"You are, Detective." He has the nerve to tell her. As if she's that important. 

He's vulnerable around her and that changes everything. 

She decides to stop helping Father Kinley, she arrests him, but the damage is done. 

Lucifer knows. 

He dares to ask her how could she do that to him, and once again, she can't control herself.

"Because I'm terrified!" she yells at him. I'm terrified of being in love with you, unspoken. She doesn't have the courage to say it.

"You are the _actual_ Devil. I mean... Every story of good and bad from throughout history, throughout time, says that you are the embodiment of evil. And how am I, Chloe Decker, a nobody supposed to deal with that?" 

He looks so disappointed and she feels ashamed of herself. She feels ashamed of not being strong enough. 

Lucifer shows her his face again and she _can't look, can't think, can't move._

"Could you accept me like this?"

She doesn't want to lie to him, so she tells the truth, even though it's not what neither of them wants to hear. 

He turns around from her and she thinks, this is it. _This was my chance and I blew it._

She leaves the penthouse but can't seem to leave Lux just yet. 

She sits down at the bar and Patrick shoots her a worried smile, immediately knowing something's wrong. 

"We've all missed you, Detective." he says while handing her a club soda. He knows she drove here and won't drink. " Boss was going crazy, singing "Creep" for fucking ever. It actually scared off customers for a while."

She can't stop herself and smiles at that, the image immediately popping into her head. 

" 'Lo and behold, the Prince of Darkness, Satan Himself, sulking and singing "Creep" for a month straight like a complete lunatic."' she says and Patrick, June, and Andy (she knows their names now) all burst into laughter. 

"Imma write that one down, he's going to love this." June says and takes out a big book. Chloe eyes it curiously. 

"It's a little bit of a tradition we have going around here. Write down any ridiculous devil thing we hear. At the end of every month, we sit down and laugh our asses off. Boss chooses the best one and whoever wrote it down gets a gift." Patrick explains to her while polishing glasses. 

"He's a good boss, isn't he?" she asks and each employee gives her a nod. 

"The best. He has his quirks but he's respectful, never late with paychecks, always slips us more even though he thinks we don't realize and he comes up with the silliest excuses to give us bonuses. Even though we tried to explain to him that, ya know, bonuses usually only come during Christmas." June has an endearing smile on her face when she talks about Lucifer and it's nice to see. Usually, when women talk about it, their desire showing right away, and Chloe's glad someone here genuinely cares for him. 

  
People are starting to gather and she hears a soft ping of the elevator's door opening up. 

Lucifer walks in and immediately starts mingling with the crowd.  
She briefly wonders if he's going to say anything to her if he's even going to notice her. 

He looks at her but quickly averts his eyes and looks at the wall behind her. 

He goes back to her drink, sipping it through a straw, but still looking at Lucifer, determined she's not going to back down. 

He sits down at the piano and she feels her fingers start to tingle with excitement. 

He's sitting at the piano. He's going to sing. He has things to say but doesn't know how to share them with her. 

This is familiar, this is _theirs_. She knows how this goes. 

He starts playing and she almost jumps out of her seat, excited. 

_"Just a little rush, babe, to feel dizzy To derail the mind of me_   
_Just a little hush, babe; my veins are busy But my heart's in atrophy."_

It's fair. She deserves it. She wasn't expecting a love song anyway, she knows he's hurt and needs to let it out. But this is him, doing it for her: _I'm trying. I'm here and I'm trying_

_"Any way To distract and sedate. Adding shadows To the walls of the cave."_

She knows that if she wasn't here right now, he would be well on his way to get completely drunk, to try and forget everything.

_"You and I, nursing on a Poison that never stung Our teeth and lungs are lined With the scum of it._   
_Somewhere for this, death and guns, We are deaf, we are numb._   
_Free and young and we Can feel none of it"_

She flinches at the word "poison". But that's fair too. She will own up to her mistakes and she will fix it. As long as he lets her. 

_"Something isn't right, babe; I keep catching little words, but the meaning's thin. I'm somewhere outside my life, babe; I keep scratching But somehow I can't get in."_

He finally looks at her for longer than a second and she sees the bitterness and hurt pouring out of him. 

In all of her life, she doesn't remember ever feeling so remorseful.   
She feels manipulated and stupid too, that she let someone like Father Kinley put so much poison in her brain. 

She hurt the man she's in love with because she let someone manipulate her. 

_"Darlin', don't you stand there watching, won't you come and save me from it?_   
_Darlin', don't you Join in, you're supposed to Drag me away from it..."_

She smiles sadly and finishes her drink, thanking Patrick before she gets ready to leave. 

She can't feel Lucifer's eyes on her anymore, but with all the confidence she can muster, she walks to the piano, places her hand on his, and squeezes. 

"I'll see you at work?" she asks and she knows her voice is so hopeful, it's pathetic, really, but she doesn't have it in herself to act stoic anymore. 

She doesn't wait for his reply, deep down she knows he'll be there. That's what he said before she left for Europe. He said he doesn't have the strength to leave her on his own and she believes him. Lucifer never lies. 

She thinks about the song lyrics all the way home and before she goes to sleep, she decides, that even though she's just a nobody, a mere human, if The Devil needs saving, needs help, then Chloe Decker will be there for him. _Always_. 


End file.
